When the dust settles

For Laughs:

Christian Comedy-David & Goliath By De-Graft

Intro:- once upon a time, a king named saul was being tormented by a gentleman named  goliath , so saul sent Samuel( a priest) to go and look for a warrior who can defeat Goliath.

Ø So Samuel set off in search of the warrior

Set 1

At Jesse’s House, Samuel an oldman and holds a stick.

Samuel: kokooko,kokooko,ah  na efie kakraka sei, nyimpa eni mu anaa

Jesse: mponkyi na ewo mu, adey here (Samuel enters)

Samuel: good day sir, how are you

Jesse: am fine my fellow age mate, wat brings you here?

Samuel: me de3 ka twi na gyae aborofusem nu. The reason for my visit is because of one guy name goliath. Akoa nu edi nkwasiesem wo yen su paa. He is like 20 feet tall, his voice makes the earth shake. He always insults us and calls us monkeys. Se yeye ndui, kwetwamansa

Jesse: whhhhat ,who is he, how dare him, abooooowaa..(in lil waynes voice)

Samuel: take it easy before your tuberculosis come again. That’s why I’ve come to anoint one of your sons to battle him.

Jesse: eei my son to battle a 20feet man? Akoa wei wo tsirimu ye dzen. You lemme call them in. Eliab, come with your brother immediately ( two guys come in)

Samuel: oh very nice and beautiful gentlemen. They can fight paa from the look of things ba let me examine dem first (Samuel examines the boys)

Ø He examines first boy

Samuel: hey, you didn’t bath this morning or this is your God given talent?

1^st Son: oluman wei paa, ah ,I have bathed. Why, will I produce a bathing certificate before I fight a giant.

Samuel: no but you can’t fight a giant with a body odour, you are disqualified, akoa wei wonnye neat.

Ø examines the second 2^nd boy

Samuel: hey, abrantie kama kama paa, hw3 woa motuom, you cant fight. You cant concerntrate with this forest in your armpit. Disqualified. Ah Jesse, are these all the boys you have?

Jesse: no aaka baako, but he is smallish like pendrive, he doesn’t eat nor drink, only toffees. For that one de3, me naa will disqualify him.

Samuel: oh no, send for him immediately ( Jesse sends one of the boys to go and fetch David, seconds later they enter stage together with David)

Samuel: is that him(Jesse nods his head), akoa yi af)w. Gentleman, can you fight and have you fought before?

David: yes I can and I have

Samuel: who did you fight with

David: I fought Anita, a female friend in class two

Samuel: hopeless situation, anyways, have you killed before?

David: yes I have, I killed a lizard just yesterday

Samuel: you are even hopeless than your other brothers but I will anoint you like that. if the giant kills you, remember I didn’t have faith in you ( so he anoints him).

Samuel: Jesse, I am done.

Jesse: ok old man, thank you ee.

Scene 2

On stage is Goliath with his sword waiting for David. David appears with his catapult.

Goliath: hey small boy, what are you looking for, you dey look for your mommy?

David: I am David and I am here to kill you.

Goliath: with a catapult? Hahahaha

David: kw333 Buuuluu

Goliath: obuumona, I will kill you and feed you to my dogs, you be small children

David: hey goliath, me ago kill you like lizard, ago give you pound for pound, kpa to kpa to kpa and the people here will enjoy

Goliath: me I fight for the land of thousand demons, you, you I say you be small children. What experience you get. Go chop your mommy food.

David: you are afraid, am not going anywhere. I get chaoow experience pass you. Today you have meet your meeter.  me I travel plenty and I fight plenty( they begin the fight) David rolls his catapult and goliath is down

Goliath: today I go beating you mayamaya

David: the self-acclaimed mighty man is down, hw3 nitsi kesie bi, empty calabash can not sink in water and a man can not be careful less he wear white shirt and drives a white car. This tells dat, every painter no be painter.

( so people come in and carry goliath away)…..

THE END

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